Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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