my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
