she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
