The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
