Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize