**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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