I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
