I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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