just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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