Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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