If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize