the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
