Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
