Small penises have feelings too.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
