My sheets look like a crime scene.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
