Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize