There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
