When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
