just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
