Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
