Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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