Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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