So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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