Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
