thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
