that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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