I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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