I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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