I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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