ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
