On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
