Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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