A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
