Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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