Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
