just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
