he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
