Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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