i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
