You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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