until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
