Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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