So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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