I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
