remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
