Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
