maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
