Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
