You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
