I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
