Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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