my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
