i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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