He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
