Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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