but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
