if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
