shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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