so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
