so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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