Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
