my sisters under your porch take her home
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
