I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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