I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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