I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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